Jon Marks
How do you plan a wedding when you don’t have enough money?
That’s a question more and more couples are asking themselves these days, as costs rise higher than their income levels. It’s also the question Shira Leibman and Yitzhak (Yitzy) Yoast have wrestled with since they decided to tie the knot back in July.
Compounding it, when you come from an Orthodox Jewish family, the idea of waiting until you hit the lottery isn’t an option.
“Long engagements are unheard of in the Orthodox world,” said Leibman, who met Yoast at the Shababafest Music Festival in upstate New York in 2021, though they didn’t begin dating until the following year.
“My parents said we should elope, but we said, ‘We want a wedding. Just like my other siblings deserved weddings we want to have a nice day, too,’” she said. “I knew there are organizations that provide help for couples. Why not us?”
Unlike most couples in their situation, Leibman and Yoast couldn’t turn to their families for financial assistance. You see Sara Tova and Yosef Leibman live in Jerusalem, where she teaches and he’s an ER doctor. They made aliyah from Scranton to Israel when Leibman was just seven and proceeded to raise her and her seven brothers and sisters there.
She’s been back in the States since attending graduate school at Drexel University. Yoast, whose real name is Steve, said his family isn’t in the picture without going into detail.
Having determined the cost of finding a venue, hiring a kosher caterer, band and all the other trappings that come with that special day, Leibman and Yoast came to the painful conclusion they couldn’t afford it on their own.
So now what? Why social media, of course.
Leibman, a systems analyst working for a Berwyn investment firm and Yoast, a construction worker who just started a new job after being laid off for months, decided to make their story public.
And to their good fortune and everlasting gratitude Hannah Lee, a woman with a story all her own, heard about them and decided to help their cause. Especially upon learning Leibman had a direct connection through her grandparents, Neil and Louise Leibman, to Barzel’s shul, Lower Merion Synagogue in Bala Cynwyd.
“I didn’t know the bride,” said Lee, who came to this country from Hong Kong as a child, grew up in Manhattan, converted in 1985, married a Jewish man, then moved here 33 years ago.
“I started talking to her through WhatsApp and found out her grandparents were one of the founders of my synagogue,” she said. “Hachnosas kallah is an ancient tradition that used to be very common in Europe. Whole communities would donate things to help young couples set up, like a bridal shower. But it’s very uncommon in America we find such a couple.”
Once Lee informed Rabbi Avraham Shmidman and his rebbitzen wife, Adina, of the situation and of Leibman’s family connection to LMS, the wheels swung to put a modern hachnosas kallah into motion for the Feb. 4 wedding. First, the synagogue fee to hold it there was waived, and they were informed they’d be permitted to bring in outside kosher food rather than having it catered.
Leibman’s friend arranged for the Kol Chaim klezmer/jazz band to perform at the wedding at a greatly reduced rate. That took care of all but one item: food.
“We’re doing it all ourselves because neither of our families are in position to help out,” said Yoast, who took on his Hebrew name a few years ago. “Everything was going fairly smoothly until we hit catering. But we’re confident everything will fall into place.”
“Everywhere I called up, they quoted me insane amounts,” added Leibman, who hopes her mother will be able to come but doesn’t know about her dad, since Israel’s policy has been not allowing doctors to leave the country during wartime. “So, we’ll get our own food and have a wait staff.”
Leibman and Yoast, who’ve also created a link for the occasion on chesedfund.com (thechesedfund.com/chessed412/hachnosos-kallah-fundraiser) which has raised only a portion of their goal, appreciate her efforts.
“That’s very nice of her and everybody in that community,” said Yoast, who finally met Lee when she invited them both to her house during Chanukah. “We’re thankful. They’re definitely going above and beyond. And anything helps.”
Jon Marks is a Philadelphia-area freelance writer.
