Matchmaking isn’t always a straightforward process. Setting up two people who share the same values is a full-time job, as professional matchmaker Lori Salkin knows well.
Salkin, 40, is a relationship expert, dating coach and senior matchmaker at SawYouAtSinai.com and YUConnects.com and has been for more than 10 years.
Her first match was struck in college when she set up her roommate. Since then, Salkin has been responsible for 55 marriages.
Matchmaking takes up most of Salkin’s day and some of her nights, but she still manages to find plenty of time to spend with her family and invest in her community. She serves on the board of directors at Kohelet Yeshiva and the Union Fire Association in Bala Cynwyd.
“I don’t sleep much. I don’t have much free time. I tend to work until midnight or 1 a.m. every day. I don’t have time to watch TV anymore,” Salkin said.
But matchmaking is her passion, and the successes make everything worth it.
“I enjoy what I do. It’s very, very fulfilling to know how many couples I’ve brought together. These people become your family — you hold them when they cry, celebrate with them,” Salkin said.
Since the start of the pandemic, many have turned to dating apps to find companionship. While nearly half of all U.S. adults have used a dating site or app, only 12% reported being in a committed relationship or marriage with someone they met through a dating app, according to a 2020 survey by Pew Research Center.
“Everybody was in a complete state of panic that they wouldn’t meet somebody. The opportunities were so diminished with everybody in lockdown,” Salkin said.
According to Salkin, a major difference between traditional matchmaking and apps is that most dating profiles read like a list of facts: how tall someone is, how old they are, what they like to do and where they’re from.
Salkin said those bios lack personality, and that the best way to get to know someone is to talk to them.
“Matchmaking is more personal: It tells you about their heart, their soul and their strengths,” she said.
That’s not the only gap in dating apps, according to Salkin.
“In-person meetings really make the difference,” she said, “You learn a lot more about them and get a real sense of who they are.”
For Salkin, the process starts when she reads a client’s profile on SawYouAtSinai.com. She then calls them and gets to know them. Those initial conversations typically revolve around their personality, past relationships and the reason they’ve sought out a matchmaker or dating coach.
She also spends a lot of time talking with parents.
“Your parents know you best. They’ve known you your whole life; they have information I may not have,” Salkin said.
Talking to parents helps Salkin get a better idea of values and desires her clients have.
“I think about shared values. We each have a set of values. People talk about the common background or common interests, but it’s not the shared backgrounds; it’s the shared values that people mix up with backgrounds,” she said.
When it comes to love, there’s a lot to learn from older generations, Salkin said.
“The way our parents did it and our grandparents did it was right. Sit down face to face and get to know somebody without going through all their social media. The way to meet someone is to talk to them, not Google search them,” she said.
Salkin found love that way at Boston University. She was selling tickets for an event, and her future husband bought one from her. The next day, he sent her a message via the student portal and asked her to go for coffee. Salkin wasn’t quite sure who he was, as she had sold a lot of tickets that day, but she was willing to give it a chance.
Salkin arrived early to their would-be date, and so did he. But when he arrived, Salkin had second thoughts and stood him up at the last minute. A day later, he messaged her, and they ended up rescheduling and going on several more dates.
During one date, they were walking Salkin’s family dog when it hit her.
“Something clicked in my brain. I realized I like this guy. I got all nervous. What am I wearing? Why am I holding a dog?” she said.
Now, they’ve been married for 17 years and have four children.
Salkin shared some wisdom about what you can look forward to in a lasting partnership and how it gets better with time.
“When it comes to true love, to engagement, to the wedding night, your love continues to grow and get deeper and deeper,” Salkin said. JE
