Elaine Shay’s life was tied to Montefiore Cemetery in Jenkintown, the Jewish cemetery her husband’s family had led for generations. Founded in 1910 on farmland, Montefiore stood near the end of a trolley line so Jewish families from Philadelphia could reach it. Part ownership and management later passed through the Shay family, often through women.

After her husband, Robert Shay, died in 1992, Shay became chairman of the board. She oversaw operations, reviewed accounts and records and worked with staff.

“It is a part of our family fiber and fabric,” said her daughter Heather Shay-Herzig, who continued the family’s stewardship of Montefiore with her mother.

Shay treated the cemetery as both a family responsibility and a communal trust. She wanted visitors to find the grounds well maintained and their loved ones’ graves cared for.

Shay died on June 13 in Rydal, Pennsylvania, from congestive heart failure and complications of dementia. She was 88.

Born in Philadelphia on July 24, 1937, Elaine spent most of her childhood in Strawberry Mansion with her mother and grandmother after her parents divorced. She later moved after her mother married physician Martin Kushner and took the Kushner name.

Elaine attended Lower Merion High School, where she worked on the school newspaper and covered sports, an unusual assignment for a girl at the time.

At the University of Pennsylvania, Elaine planned to major in chemistry but was discouraged. Already engaged by freshman year, she was told she would marry and have children. She switched to German literature and also took accounting courses in the Wharton School.

Her daughters remembered watching her balance the family checkbook to the penny.

“She did it in her head almost instantaneously,” Shoshana Shay said.

Shay and Robert attended the same high school but connected during summers in Ventnor. Robert’s uncle met Elaine on the beach and suggested she meet his nephew. Elaine then began walking her dog near Robert’s home until he returned from a family trip.

Robert proposed on the night of Elaine’s senior prom. They married the following June and raised three daughters, Shoshana, Lauri and Heather, and a son, Bob.

Shay learned to cook after they married. She took classes and challenged herself to prepare one good meal each week. When she and Robert traveled, she sometimes returned to a restaurant to study a dish and later recreated it at home.

Shay was an active mother. She participated in parent-teacher organizations in every school her children attended, often serving as treasurer and later president. She attended meetings, concerts and school events and made sure each child had an activity outside school.

At home, she turned routines into lessons. While making dinner, she had her children practice multiplication tables, German pronouns or other schoolwork.

“She was always, always” present, Lauri Shay said. Shay-Herzig said her mother believed it was important to be home when her children returned from school and awake before they left in the morning.

Music remained central throughout Shay’s life. She began playing violin in junior high school, then switched to cello when the orchestra needed more cellists. She played in youth and community orchestras, including the Wynnewood Symphony, and later continued practicing at home.

Shay sang in choirs at Congregation Beth Sholom and Keneseth Israel Congregation. She had perfect pitch and loved harmony.

“She could perceive more lines of music than just the song on the top,” Shoshana Shay said.

Her daughters said her commitment to learning was tied to her Jewish values. She supported synagogue music programs and strongly opposed cuts to arts education in public schools.

“Jews have an incredible respect for learning and education,” Shoshana Shay said. “That was really, really, really important to her.”

Shay was elected to the Abington Board of School Directors in 1983. She waited until her children had nearly finished school so no one could accuse her of favoring their schools. She also represented the district on the vocational-technical school board.

“She would see things that weren’t running properly,” Lauri Shay said. “Instead of just complaining about it, she wanted to do something.”

Shay served as treasurer of the Abington Free Library Board. She also served as vice chairman of blood services for an American Red Cross branch, coordinating blood drives and donating blood. Her family said she donated at least 56 gallons over the years.

Her daughters said she saw volunteer work as a way to use her abilities while giving back to the community.

Her daughters said she rejected the label “housewife.” When school forms asked for her occupation, she told her children to write “volunteer.”

“She was a volunteer,” Shoshana Shay said. “That’s what she was.”

Another commitment was recording college textbooks for people who were blind or dyslexic. Lauri Shay, who is blind, said her mother became involved because of her need for recorded books. Shay recorded technical material in science, philosophy and foreign languages.

For one course, she “waded through epistemological terms,” Lauri Shay said, so the material would be available when needed.

Shay was direct, exacting and quick-witted. She loved wordplay but disliked humor that mocked others.

She also had a strong sense of fairness.

A family friend who had known the Shays since 1962 found the right word for her, Lauri Shay recalled.

“She was a force.”

Ellen Braunstein is a freelance obituary writer. She welcomes suggestions for individuals who had meaningful ties to the Philadelphia Jewish community. Email csix@midatlanticmedia.com.