Now that we have your attention, let’s talk about Passover. As the holiday is coming to an end, it may be a bit difficult to fully appreciate the mouthwatering dishes that accompany this carb-less festivity when you’ve been reheating the same chicken or brisket all week.
But when you think about it — despite believing (without being dramatic, of course) that not having any bread could signify the end of the world — Passover has some of the best food compared to other Jewish holidays.
We’re breaking down some of our favorites to help you get through the last few days of Passover and remind you to always look on the bright side of the Seder plate.
Matzah (matzo? matza?), though rather tasteless, ranks pretty high on our list because in all its crunchy cardboard glory, it is the most versatile Passover nosh. It’s essentially the tofu of unleavened food: It’s gray, tasteless, but absorbs the flavors that you soak into it. Think of all the possibilities: matzah brei, matzah pizza, matzah lasagna, matzah-crusted chicken, matzah with Nutella, Nutella on a spoon … is anyone else suddenly hungry?
8 out of 10 matzah crumbs
If you like canned tuna fish, gefilte fish takes that a step further. Processed fish shaped into egg-like oval patties stored in a glass jelly-filled jar is an acquired taste — doesn’t it sound delicious? But when you put aside the astounding fishiness — so far aside that you slip it under the table and feed it to the dog — and add a little horseradish, it’s not that bad. (Yes it is.)
4 out of 10 leftover jars of gefilte fish
Matzo Ball Soup
A classic for all Jewish gatherings, you really can’t go wrong or be disappointed with matzo ball soup. Whether you buy the pre-packaged mix or make it from scratch, it always makes us feel warm and homey. Plus as an added Pesach bonus, you can throw in a few of those scrumptious kosher-for-Passover Mandlen soup nuts.
10 out of 10 with an extra matzo ball
Why on this night do we limit ourselves to these delicious chewy gummies compared to other nights? Personally, we’ve only ever seen these artificial fruit morsels stock the shelves of the grocery store or pantry either during Passover or at weddings. Still as the youngest at the Passover table, we want to add another question from our inner wiseass selves: Why can’t we have more?!
7 out of 10 cherry fruit slices (because obviously that’s the best flavor)
Charoset can also be versatile, depending on the recipe. And, of course, it pairs well with cardboard — we mean matzah. With the sweet combination of nuts and apples and honey (wait, wrong holiday) and other good things, this side dish never fails to be a treat yo’self moment for your taste buds.
6 out of 10 shofars (still wrong holiday)
Do parsley and salt water really count as a Passover food? We’re not exactly sure, but it is the most depressing symbol on the Seder plate, representing the tears of Jewish slaves in Egypt. With the idea in mind of backbreaking slave work paired with the flavors and calories of a juice cleanse, karpas rank pretty low on our list.
2 out of 10 sodium overdoses
For the coconut lovers, macaroons are a lifesaver when you crave a sweet treat. Even if you’re not nuts for coconut (usually the only way we tolerate coconut is if it’s a Samoas Girl Scout cookie), this is still a satisfying way to alleviate that pain when all you really want is a cookie.
6 out of 10 coconut flakes
Wine: a bigger lifesaver than macaroons. Wine can solve most of your problems at the Passover table. Are you relatives asking about your love life? Wine. Did your aunt just plop another piece of gefilte fish on your plate? Wine. Are you thirsty? Wine.
10 out of 10 drunken frog songs
Manischewitz is the reigning company when it comes to kosher-for-Passover food, and one of our favorite products is Lollycones, which are basically pieces of milk chocolate on a plastic stick. There’s no bubble gum center or allusion to a cake pop. It’s just chocolate. So how does this differ from other types of chocolate that are either wrapped, drizzled or covering a nuggety center? It’s on a stick, and that’s most of the fun.
8 out of 10 sugar-induced comas
What is a Jewish meal without brisket? This dish is applicable in any of the dozens of holidays we have during the year, all of which are celebrated by eating, which is what makes Jews the best. And any time of year when your grandmother can bust out her brisket recipe is something we are all for. Plus, it gives you a break from the matzah.
9 out of 10 bubbe’s secret family recipes
The Dark Side of Matzah
When the Israelites were fleeing Egypt, they barely had time to make matzah, let alone add some sort of spice, so why should we subject ourselves to the disgusting flavored matzah today? Plain or egg matzah is generally the way to go, and onion, everything or gluten-free matzah definitely does not compare to its leavened counterparts. Matzah is as free of ingredients as the Jews were of Egypt — let’s keep it that way.
2 out of 10 biblical burns
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