Tray Tables Down, Are Tempers Up?

This may indeed be the most turkey of times to travel all year: The Thanksgiving holiday is the bane of the bashed-up flyer, who gets the stuffing knocked out of him when trying to wedge a 200-pound carry-on into a 3-foot overhead compartment.

As a service to Jewish Exponent readers, here are a few tips on how to avoid those fowl moods:

· No need to cook the turkey in advance. Stuff it inside your luggage and let the X-ray scanners do the work. Nothing tastes better than a radiated wing after it's been through the line four, five times.

· To be treated courteously and graciously, ask your friendly examiner if TSA is a technical school or community college, and what its mascot is.

· Ask your steward to go over all the new rules and regulations for liquids since your list was too heavy to put in the bag.

· Tell the pilot you just qualified as a member of the "Air Rage Club."

· Keep the window shade open at all times while they're showing the movies and announce periodically, "I know Ted Danson doesn't fly like this!"

· Get a window seat, especially if you have a bladder infection.

· Ask politely, "Who caters these great peanuts?"

· Grasp your in-flight "paper bag" tightly with both hands throughout the flight to keep your seatmate from getting too comfortable.

· Tell the airline reservationist that your bag isn't overweight, "It's just got a bladder condition."

· Make sure you have a crying baby sitting alongside you to dull the pain from hitting your head against the wall when they announce "a slight delay."

And, most of all, get to where you're going in better shape than the turkey.



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