Running Pell-Mel

"Scene" found a surreal sense of relief in listening to the "Mad Mel Tapes."

Blacks, women, gays …

Thank God.

And here, "Scene" thought it was just Jews.

Misery loves company and now, it seems, Jews have plenty of it when it comes to the Road Warrior's war against humanity.

Who knew that Braveheart was really Chicken Little? That Mel's mouth was a lethal weapon?

The Mad Mel tapes have it all.

What they don't have is a sense of closure; as each tape is released, focusing on Gibson's child custody battle with ex-Oksana Grigorieva, the hits keep coming. Physically and verbally.

Sure, some success stories have come out of this pell-Mel mess. There is talk that the * — so familiar now in its overuse during Mel's no-mincing words tirades — may soon get its own reality show. And that "expletive deleted" hasn't made so many party lists since it made Nixon's enemies list.

But maybe now's the time for Mel to take up an offer proffered during his earlier anti-Semitic barrage against an L.A. officer who pulled him over for speeding on the coastal highway of Malibu almost four years to the day (July 28, 2006).

After his being bloodied by the press and badgered by friends, Mel sought to revamp his image — needing no less than a total extreme makeover; "move that bigotry" could be Ty Pennington's new shout-out — and talked about the shame he felt.

What better way to break through bigotry than by breaking bread or matzah with your "enemy"? Get thee to a seder, he was advised. Get thee to a synagogue service.

Get thee to a nuttery!

"Scene" advises that this may be the best time of all to make amends.

But because Mel has proven to be an equal-opportunity racist, he may have difficulty getting all the offended groups gathered in one place.

So, instead, let's rectify what Red Buttons would have proclaimed the "Mel Gibson never had a dinner" dilemma and toss him one.

But because of the wide range of those blasted, let's make it a smorgasbord. And, to top it off, there will be a special screening of Mad Mel's new movie.

See, his career isn't lost after all.

Turn down the lights, pass the popcorn.

"The Passion of the Cretin" is about to begin.  



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