The Last Word Week of Sept. 8, 2005

Now at Bat …
You may have read elsewhere that Jerry and Jessica Seinfeld’s baby boy, born on Aug. 22, was named Shepherd.
But, TLW got the real inside scoop.
His name is Seven.

Just Keep on Walken!
An online claim and special Web site to the contrary, Christopher Walken is not running for the presidency of the United States. It’s all a hoax, say his people.
But, isn’t it wonderful to imagine what his press conferences would have been like with Walken’s … special … stop … and go … cadences?
The only thing that would have made it better was the announcement never to be: Jackie Mason would be his running mate.

Delicate Items Handled Here
Who else but Mr. Sensitivity, Bill Maher, would come up with the name of the furniture- moving company used in the Gaza evacuation?
Okay, Bill, who ya gonna call?
Why, who else, said the star of “Real Time With Bill Maher,” but … “Ju-Haul.”

‘Apocalypto’ … Now?
With news that Mel Gibson — the ADL’s favorite filmmaker — is now making a movie about Mexico, with the soundtrack spoken only in a Mayan dialect, TLW turned to the B’nai B’rith organization for a reaction on the work, “Apocalypto.”
And here’s the comment (or would probably have been if TLW had actually remembered to call): Vaya con Dios — lejana de nosostros! (“Go with God — far away from us!”)

Hi-Ho, It’s Off to Campus I Go …
And what did the newbie freshman say to his parents as he packed to go off to college just as Diane Disney was announced as the new chancellor of Penn State Green Valley?
Why, what else but … “I’m going to Disney land.”

Israel’s Political Musical Chairs
Dunno how she knows this, but New York Post columnist Cindy Adams claims Israel’s Bibi Netanyahu has “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” on his iPod.
Gee, TLW thought he was more a “Born to Run” kinda guy.

The Incomparable Geraldo
When Geraldo Rivera was broadcasting about the Hurricane Katrina tragedy for Fox, he likened its aftermath to the … Holocaust.
Now, Rivera explained, as a Jew, he understood the implications of the word, but, he added, there was no other way to describe it. Sure, certainly, it’s a catastrophe. But the … Holocaust, Geraldo?
Not that he likes exaggerating. After all, remember Al Capone’s vault?


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