Ellen Braunstein
As a psychotherapist, Shira Collings supports people through life transitions that impact their mental health. As a certified officiant in the Jewish faith, Collings offers another form of support that connects people to Jewish culture and community through nontraditional rituals.
Collings, 29, of Fishtown trained in Jewish life-cycle traditions at the International Institute for Secular Humanistic Judaism after earning a master’s degree in mental health counseling at Troy University in Tampa. Collings received an undergraduate degree in communications from the University of Pennsylvania.
Ceremonies that Collings creates with people include weddings and funerals; forming a chosen family; pregnancy loss; commitment to a relationship; gender transition; and many more events for which rituals are not obvious.
Collings explains the reason for gravitating to ritual support. “I really love my job as a therapist. But I also wanted to provide a form of support outside of that.”
Collings has experienced pregnancy loss and the struggle to build a family with husband Andrew Collings, a videographer and photographer. For that, Collings created rituals for others experiencing the same grief and to honor different forms of family building.
As a Tribe12 fellow, Collings is creating a space for the experiences of marginalized Jews within mainstream Jewish communities and society at large.
“I really love the topics that we get to explore and the people I’ve met,” said Collings, whose venture is supported by Tribe 12, a community engagement organization for young Jewish professionals.
“It’s another experience of feeling so embraced and welcome with my identities,” said Collings, who is a nonbinary woman, queer and neurodivergent among other identities.
Collings describes neurodivergence as a psychiatric, neurological or developmental disability that is a positive or neutral part of who they are, “not necessarily something that they want to be fixed or changed.”
Collings hosts an ongoing special Shabbat gathering for Tribe 12, where rituals honor people’s grief and loss.
Collings is training to be a matchmaker for Tribe 12, specializing in queer or neurodivergent singles. Collings will also offer a workshop on redefining the Jewish life cycle.
“The aspect that is most fulfilling to me is working with people and hearing their stories and giving them a chance to feel seen and heard and valued.”
Collings grew up in a Reform Jewish household in Birmingham, Alabama.
“I always appreciated the Jewish education that I was given,” Collings said. “But I sometimes felt out of place due to being queer and being an atheist.”
Collings also felt marginalized by the Jewish community in a marriage to a man who didn’t grow up Jewish. “I eventually found my way to secular humanistic Judaism, which is God optional.”
Secular humanistic Judaism, Collings said, focuses on “caring for one another and coming together as a people rather than focusing on any kind of supernatural being.”
In secular humanistic Judaism, Collings felt welcomed and embraced.
The couple’s wedding ceremony in 2021 captured a significant Jewish memory for Collings. The two offered seven values instead of seven blessings — a key part of a traditional Jewish wedding.
“It felt like the ceremony truly captured our values, the family that we were coming together to form and to build together,” Collings said. “It was just so meaningful to be surrounded by friends and family to feel that sense of connection and belonging.”
Collings explains Jewish ritual as a powerful way to make the invisible visible.
“Often, we make sure that people have support around different life transitions like getting married or loss in death. But there are so many transitions that people are going through all the time that are not recognized and are not talked about,” Collings said. “And, as a result, there’s people carrying pain or joy that is invisible to our community.”
The nontraditional rituals define and honor the choice to be single, deciding to be child-free, moving into a new home, recovery from mental health problems, rejection of diet culture, pet loss and many others listed on Collings’ Reclaiming Ritual website.
“There’s so many difficult transitions that people are going through all the time that are not recognized and are not talked about. We fail to seize the opportunity to provide support or rejoice with someone, which could be a significant chance for us to unite as a community.”
Giving back, honoring the stranger and repairing the world are Jewish values that inspire Collings.
“Making people feel seen and heard, giving people compassionate space to express themselves, regardless of what they’re going through,” Collings said. “It confirms their identities.”
Ellen Braunstein is a freelance writer.
