Ellen Braunstein
The popularity of dating platforms such as J-Date and Match has led to a resurgence of the traditional professional matchmaker.
But these aren’t the shidduchim, Hebrew for matchmakers, introduced to the wider world through the musical “Fiddler on the Roof.”
“It’s a modern and tech-savvy industry,” said Dara Rahill, 36, founder of Dara Rae Matchmaking in Philadelphia.
Her business has no shortage of Jewish Gen X and millennials who seek out her services, she said.
She observes that Jewish clients are more committed to finding a Jewish partner due to the surge of Jewish solidarity following Oct. 7 and the rise in antisemitic incidents.
“I’m hearing they really have a preference to being with someone who is Jewish or someone who is at least open to raising Jewish children.”
Her job is two-fold.
“There’s the headhunter role that I play, where I’m constantly networking and meeting new people on behalf of my clients to find their match,” Rahill said. “And there’s the deeper work when it comes to understanding clients, what makes a good match and providing guidance and support as they date and build healthy relationships.”
She has worked in the matchmaking industry since 2019. In March, she started her own practice. She credits her guidance with seven engagements and dozens of dating relationships.
In that time, she created Date Him Philly and Date Her Philly on Facebook for women and men to recommend single people to date.
Through the local communities built online, Rahill started in-person singles events in Philadelphia.
She said dating apps are a time waster for her accomplished and busy professionals.
“It’s a lot of swiping and messaging for very few dates,” she said. “It’s defeating after a while.”
Rahill said free time should be spent with friends and family or pursuing passions or interests.
“So, professional matchmaking is this gift that someone can give to themselves to essentially outsource that time and know that anyone they meet is going to be thoroughly vetted,” she said.
Rahill even takes over the swiping and text messages so her clients can just show up for the date. What Rahill can’t ascertain from her background checks and thorough interviews is chemistry, she said.
“If there is chemistry, the rest is in place,” she said.
She consults with her clients on the challenges they’ve had in the past.
“If their focus is on the wrong things, that’s where coaching comes into play,” Rahill said. “Knowing that I’ve made an impact, that someone feels more confident in dating, that’s what it’s all about.”
Rahill goes deep right away. She is not good at small talk.
“I love learning everything about someone,” she said. “Matchmaking allows me to do that and learn about their backgrounds and their struggles, what’s amazing about them, what lights them up.”
Rahill met her husband, James Rahill, in college at Penn State.
They were friends for almost a decade and never dated because Rahill was trying to date only Jewish men. When she realized she had met the love of her life, she made the first move.
“I told him my feelings for him and, thank goodness, he felt the same way,” she said.
A year and a half of dating went by before their engagement. He converted when their first child was born.
Rahill and her husband, a 38-year-old home renovator, belong to Temple Sinai in Dresher. They live in Ambler.
Their two children, Ayla, 7, and Natalie, 3, go to the same Jewish preschool that their mother attended.
“Having children is what got me re-involved in my Judaism and just teaching them the holidays,” Rahill said. “I’m reliving everything through their eyes and passing on those traditions.”
Judaism means the most to her when she focuses on community, “feeling like we’re with our people.”
Her favorite Jewish memory is her daughters’ baby namings.
“I really felt good about being Jewish and having a Jewish family when I was up on the bimah with my husband and my children,” she said.
Rahill earned her undergraduate degree in psychology at Penn State. She received her master’s degree in school psychology at the University of Delaware.
“Having a psychology background is so helpful in working with clients and really knowing how to listen, how to ask questions, to guide,” she said.
After graduation, Rahill worked as a school psychologist for three years, first in Wilmington and then in Montgomery County.
“I especially liked working with children with disabilities. You don’t focus on the disability — you focus on their strengths and how we can use their strength to help them succeed in school.”
She takes a similar approach to matchmaking.
“Some matchmakers will look at people and say, ‘This is what’s wrong with you and this is why you’re single.’ That’s not my approach,” she said. “My approach is to discover what’s amazing about you, what makes you special and how do I help other people see that?”
Ellen Braunstein is a freelance writer.
