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Where Have All the Serious People Gone?
As a reader and occasional consumer of online-dating profiles, I've noticed this trend, just as I've noticed more than my fair share of poorly written, cliché-laden essays.
To be sure, an Internet dating profile is hardly great literature. There are no Nobel or Pulitzer prizes for these essays. The prize, I suppose, is meeting that "special someone," which might very well be as illusory as an elite writing award.
With an eye on a prize, we all put our best foot forward, hoping to attract that right person with a hopefully accurate description of yourself.
Humor attracts people, and it's great to be with someone who not only appreciates it, but actually laughs.
Still, there seems to be a huge segment of the female online dating community who like it so much that they're either "addicted" to it, or are "constantly laughing" or smiling. What does this mean? Does it mean that these girls are certifiable, drooling drones, or are they drinking lithium-laced lattes?
Some relationship consultants out there must be telling the ladies that guys like girls who like to laugh. Sure, laughter is infectious and nice to be around, but it really makes me wonder why so many women out there are "addicted" to it, and why they have to write that they are.
Addiction is a serious thing. Yet women are admitting to it. Other addictions afflicting today's single women: "addicted to my morning coffee," "addicted to ice-cream," "addicted to animals" and "addicted to shoes."
In our modern world, going barefoot is not really an option, but can someone really be addicted to shoes?
Do these women simply lack creativity or dexterity as writers, or should they be enrolling in a 12-step program? I'm not sure if shoe addiction is a viable diagnosable ailment, but maybe some of these gals will seek treatment.
For the women who are not declaring that they are "attractive" or "beautiful" (yes, I've seen women declare their own beauty), there also seems to be a lot of self-deprecating commentary and faux-humility out there.
Some of these are people who "work hard and play harder." They make it sound like dating is a new Olympic sport -- all we need is a Jim McKay voice-over from ABC's "Wide World of Sports" -- "The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat" (or for those shoe addicts, it would be "the agony of 'the' feet").
Sure, now this is getting silly. But a lot of silly things take place in cyberspace.
How does silliness manifest itself on a date? I've never met a girl for a date who wore a Steve Martin arrow-through-the-head prop or a squirting flower or any other gag. Now, that would be silly.
What does it really mean when a woman declares herself as such? I still don't know, but it seems that in online profiles, silly is the new black.
This brings me to fashion in profiles. If I were assigned the task of compiling the modern single girl's wardrobe based on profiles I've read, there seem to be only two choices: blue jeans and a T-shirt or a little black dress.
Apparently, those are the only two outfits women have these days, and many of these women are comfortable in both. Now, if you could only find the right pair of shoes to go with the jeans or little black dress that would reflect your "silly" personality, we'd be all set.
How about a pair of oversized clown shoes?
Bozo knows that they go with everything -- and they would certainly prove silly.
Roy S. Gutterman is a Syracuse, N.Y.-based writer. To contact him, visit: www.Lrev.com.