Ellen Scolnic
When I heard about the new show “Jewish Matchmaking,” I feared the worst. Old-school stereotypes. Patriarchal decision making. Intrusive parents.
I’m happy to report I was wrong.
The hit Netflix show is good for the Jews. Similar in format and content to the established hit “Indian Matchmaking,” I wasn’t sure what to expect from the heimishe version. Happily, it’s a bit more well-rounded, more inclusive and more egalitarian.
Here are five reasons why “Jewish Matchmaking” is good for the Jews:
It contradicts stereotypical images of Jews
The cast members are interesting-ish on their own. There’s free-spirited, mushroom microdosing Harmonie, Miami party girl Dani, plus-sized black Jewish Nakysa and outdoor guy Noah.
Then there’s Ori. Universally scorned in the online comments about the show, moderately cute Ori lives at home, works in his mother’s party planning business and calls her the “No. 1 woman” in his life. What gives him the chutzpah to demand that matchmaker Aleeza Ben Shalom only set him up with blue-eyed supermodels? It’s a wonder anyone ever makes a match – yet Ben Shalom claims to have 200 marriages to her credit.
When we meet Hawaiian guy Shaun, with his shoulder-length hair, board shorts and relaxed surfer dude vibe, there’s almost no way you’d think he could be Jewish. But he is. He’s from South Africa and another surprising client of the matchmaker. There’s not a nerdy accountant to be found on this show!
Likewise, antisemitic tropes, like a focus on money and overly materialistic concerns, do not come up with these Jews. Instead, we meet a Jewish girl who is obsessed with her thick eyebrows (granted, she’s immature and self-absorbed, but that’s not antisemitic), a Jewish girl who rides a motorcycle and wants to own a gun and a Jewish guy who lives in Grand Teton, Wyoming, because he loves the outdoors.
The matchmaker is open minded
Ben Shalom is an American who became religious and made aliyah. She lives in Israel with her husband and five children, but evidently she also travels the globe from Brooklyn to Tel Aviv making matches.
For an Orthodox woman who dresses modestly, she is surprisingly open-minded and relaxed when it comes to Jewish observance. Upon learning that one young man “keeps kosher but eats bacon” she simply writes “eats bacon” on her list of dating requirements. When some of her clients admit that the last time they attended synagogue was on the High Holidays, Ben Shalom simply writes it down.
As Ben Shalom says on the show, “There are 15 million Jews in the world and 15 million ways to be Jewish.” A response you might expect from a Reconstructionist rabbi not a baal teshuvah mom.
It’s not Askenormative
Ashkenormative is a relatively new word that means assuming the Ashkenazi Jewish way of doing something is the normal way or the only way. Like brisket for holiday dinner, when many Jews from other parts of the world would choose lamb. Or fish.
On “Matchmaker,” David is Sephardic. In fact, he runs the Sephardic Club of Miami and when he’s matched with Dani, an Ashkenazic girl, it gives the show a small window to explain Jewish distinctions. But it can’t explain why he is so boring and their awkward dates are filled with long stretches of silence. Dani dumps him — and being Sephardi has nothing to do with it: being as interesting as a paper bag does.
It’s a user-friendly look at Jewish practice
Let’s face it. For many people, Judaism is a big unknown of strange rituals and weird holidays. What’s up with a week of not eating bread? The show distills what being Jewish means to each of the clients – and for a reality show, the reasons are pretty real.
Many of the clients talk about celebrating the holidays, enjoying family dinners and relaxing on Shabbat. Likewise, several talk about how their parents want them to marry a Jewish person and how Jewish continuity is important to them.
There’s probably not another television show that mentions tikkun olam (repair the world), the Jewish concept of trying to do good deeds as much as this one. Granted, Jewish tenets are quickly explained for a gentile audience, but they are presented within the realm of today’s Jewish experience.
When one of the clients says that she needs a mate who prays three times a day like her father and brothers do, it’s just slipped into the conversation. Nothing unusual here.
The show presents these facts of living a Jewish life as a graphic list because Ben Shalom writes down all the qualities each client is looking for. Thus, aspects of Judaism like “keeping kosher at home” and “putting on tefillin” are normalized and simply presented as options on a list. Then again, so are qualities like “must have great eyebrows” and “likes to party.”
Depicts Israel in a positive way
From sparkling Tel Aviv beaches lined with bikini-clad bodies to iconic Jerusalem shouk carpet merchants, “Jewish Matchmaker” shows Israel as the vibrant, modern, colorful nation it is.
While some people form their opinion of the Jewish state based on news reports and accounts of terrorism, “Jewish Matchmaker” shows daily life in Israel the way most people experience it — from the open markets with piles of vegetables and spices to the five-lane highways teaming with cars, from art galleries, boutiques and skyscraper hotels to ancient ruins and stone-paved walkways, the show highlights the many contrasting and beautiful facets of modern Israel.
Ellen Scolnic is a writer whose work can be viewed at thewordmavens.com.