Moms Working It

The perceptions have pin-balled wildly, from the patriotic 1940s mother doing her part for the war effort, to the 1950s housebound and ladylike Leave It to Beaver ideal, to the do-it-all moms of the '70s, '80s and '90s up through today, bringing home the proverbial bacon and frying it up in the pan.

Illustration by Paul Tong

A study in the December issue of the Journal of Family Psychology reveals that a "woman's place" happens to be as individual as the mother deciding where that place is.

Unlike other reports that used a comparison of children raised by working moms and stay-at-home mothers as a base, study author Cheryl Buehler set out to measure how a mother's "having a life" outside the home made her feel about her parental role as well as her overall health and stress.

It also included the study of women who work part time or have home-based businesses, sizing them up with the others.

"Employment helps women and their families," observed Buehler, professor of human development and family studies at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro.

The message stemming from her study: Jobs and careers, whether full time or part time, bring a welcome dimension of balance to a mother's life.

While mothers who worked part time were the most content group in Buehler's examination, she also found that women who worked full time were often more content than their stay-at-home counterparts.

Has the old "Supermom" paradigm some boomer moms entertained given way to a balanced mom mindset among those in Generations X and Y?

"It really depends upon the attitude of the woman, and her personal goals and aspirations," notes Dr. David M. Reiss, interim medical director, Providence Behavioral Health Hospital, in Holyoke, Mass.

"A woman who feels more satisfied and productive, and not bored or 'locked in' will be happier, more even-tempered and more balanced in dealing with their kids. Someone who is unhappy in their job or who likes their job but comes home tired may feel guilty and resentful.

"It makes sense that having a combination of work and home life is best for all concerned."

Tal Weinberger, a general adult psychiatrist with a focus on mood and anxiety disorders and women's mental health, has seen this dynamic play out in different ways, based on her patients' varied socioeconomic situations and career choices.

She explains that she has an affluent set of clients in her Bala Cynwyd-based private practice, and a working to middle-income client base at Jefferson Hospital.

Some variances can be observed between women with a career focus and women working out of financial necessity, she asserts; however, there are also some universal similarities all modern mothers confront, no matter how they make their way in the world.

"Women often tend to be perfectionists," says Weinberger. "As many of us women can acknowledge, we define our lives in terms of absolutes, such as, 'I must have the perfect career,' or 'I must stay at home.'

"While it is true that women with a more flexible lifestyle"-- such as greater financial resources -- "often have an easier time finding fulfillment," the psychiatrist puts her "focus on why mothers in general are so hard on themselves.

"I help them explore some ways they can ask for more help from other people, including their husbands."

Weinberger also says that today's mothers deal with pressures that often transcend the economy, financial expectations and some lingering societal pressures to raise their children in a given way. However, she also stresses that in Jewish families, from her own Orthodox household to more secular settings, common family values and shared cultural underpinnings shape the way women find balance between work and family.

"Most women in my community work, because they have large families," she says. "They want to provide for their children in terms of private school tuition and other essentials."

Baltimore-based family and marriage counselor Israela Meyerstein has enjoyed what she calls a successful multidecade marriage -- to a rabbi -- and a balanced work life.

Making a successful lifestyle, she says, "lies within the amount of work an individual woman can handle in her career and raising a child. No matter what your life and economic circumstances are, it is impossible not to have a full plate in today's world" when both parents are working.

With that in mind, she adds, "mothers and fathers should make it a priority to set time aside for self-care breaks and for each other."