A Movie, Dinner -- and Abuse?

But to someone else, she may be the object of incredible and often unspoken domestic violence.

Impossible, you say. If such a thing were happening to your child, surely you, as her parents, would know it.

Well, that's not necessarily the way it works. In fact, according to the National Clearinghouse for the Defense of Battered Women, approximately 10 percent of high school students have experienced physical violence in a dating relationship. And among college students, that figure is even higher.

So what are parents -- and their teens, girls or boys -- to do, especially when, in most cases, teens decide to keep the truth from their parents because they are ashamed, embarrassed intimidated or afraid?

According to Hedda Matza-Haughton, LCSW, creator, director and facilitator of "Words Not Spoken," an interactive, improvisational theater experience, one way is to attend a special program designed to promote healthy relationships.

Presented by Jewish Family and Children's Service of Greater Philadelphia, the Laurel House of Montgomery County, Women's Center of Montgomery County, through Jewish Women International's National Training Institute, the innovative program will be held on Sunday, April 6, at the Kaiserman JCC -- also a presenter -- 45 Haverford Rd., Wynnewood.

Two performances have been scheduled: Teenagers and young adults are invited to attend a 1 p.m. to 3 p.m. performance; parents, teachers, rabbis and other adult community members are invited to a 4 p.m. to 6 p.m. performance.

Says Matza-Haughton, a nationally acclaimed expert in the field: "This dynamic program demonstrates what every teen and parent needs to know about dating and love relationships in 2008.

"Nonprofessional teen actors participate in the program and are given guidance, input and direction to make their performances believable. After the presentation, the actors stay in character and the audience gets an opportunity to share a dialogue with them," explains Matza-Haughton.

She also says that she chose the program's name to emphasize in particular the importance of talking more openly about issues and feelings that are often kept silent. A young person who suffers from abuse may become insecure, destructive, angry or withdrawn, even delving into alcohol or drug abuse.

Observance Is Key
If teens won't talk to them, parents are urged to observe certain behaviors and learn to listen without judging, letting the children know that, as parents, you support them and care about their welfare. It's also important to tell them that nothing happening to them is their fault and to help them put together a safety plan, if necessary.

For teens or young adults caught in this dilemma, each should be taught to pay attention to various warning signs, including feeling intimidated if they say no to their partner, feeling controlled or being discouraged from pursuing their own interests.

"Dating intimidation may escalate to dating violence when one person uses physical, emotional or sexual abuse to gain power and to keep control over the other person," continues Matza-Haughton. "Teens may actually want to break up with their abuser but begin to believe -- wrongly -- that they deserve the abuse."

The program, performed elsewhere and now bowing in Philadelphia, is proving to be enormously successful, the creator says, mainly because "we're helping to bring this issue to light. The problem of domestic abuse in teens crosses all lines, and only about 3 percent are willing to tell someone in authority, and to a lesser extent tell a family member.

"We're trying to get the problem out in the open. Most people tell me after the program that they now have young people willing to talk about the situation. I believe the most important thing about this program is that it gives a voice to everyone caught in the middle and searching for a healthy way out."

For more information, call Janna Friedman at JFCS: 215-673-0100, Ext. 281, or Rachel Hercky of the Klein Branch JCC: 215-698-7300, Ext. 126.