Kosher Christmas Trees? Survey: Yes; Experts: No

Sue Fishkoff
Jewish Telegraphic Agency

SAN FRANCISCO
Judy and Curtis Carson light Chanukah candles in their home in Waxhaw, N.C. They also put up a tree -- but not a Christmas tree, insists Judy.

"I don't think any religion has a corner on greenery," she says.

Judy is Jewish; Curtis is not. They're raising their 9-year-old son Jewish -- religious school, synagogue, the works. But they also explain to him that Daddy, Grandma and Grandpa are not Jewish, and that doesn't seem to confuse him.

"We give each other small gifts for Chanukah, and he gets his big gifts on Christmas. He knows they're from Daddy," Judy explains. "He knows what Christmas means, and he honors" his grandparents for celebrating it.

The Carsons' negotiation of the "December dilemma" -- the tug of war between Chanukah and Christmas in intermarried households -- reflects the findings of the third annual December holidays survey by InterfaithFamily.com, a group that supports intermarried families making Jewish choices.

The survey suggests that marking both holidays in some way does not seem to affect children's developing sense of Jewish identity.

The nonscientific online survey was answered by 759 people, including 342 intermarried couples raising their children as Jews. Within that group, 99 percent said they light Chanukah candles at home, 93 percent give Chanukah gifts, and 63 percent tell the Chanukah story.

By contrast, while 44 percent decorate a Christmas tree and 51 percent give Christmas gifts at home -- activities the survey organizers call "secular" -- just 5 percent tell the Christmas story, and 18 percent attend Christmas services, two activities deemed "religious."

Survey organizers acknowledge that these results only reveal the holiday practices of a self-selecting group: intermarried families who are choosing Jewish paths for their children. But they also say it indicates that these parents are able to raise their children as Jews while honoring the holiday traditions of the non-Jewish spouse, and can do so without confusing the kids.

The key, according to InterfaithFamily.com president Ed Case, is keeping Christmas celebrations secular, which 79 percent of respondents say they do.

The end result?

Insists Case: Don't sweat the Christmas tree. Times have indeed changed.

"When I was growing up, Jewish identity was formed in opposition to Christmas. You don't see that anymore," he notes, adding that 75 percent of survey respondents believe their Christmas celebrations do not affect their children's Jewish identity.

'An Effective Strategy?'
Case's analysis of his survey runs counter to what other key Jewish education experts purport.

"The fact that more than half" of respondents "have Christmas-related activities in the home is significant," says Sylvia Barack Fishman, a Jewish-studies professor at Brandeis University.

She points to one result showing that a third of the Jewish parents who put up trees feel comfortable with it, while another third do not.

"There are competing narratives in the home," according to Fishman.

Parents can raise their children as Jews despite such practices, she notes, but "the question is: Is this an effective strategy for creating Jewish adults who will create their own Jewish households?"

Sociologist Steven Cohen of Hebrew Union College-Jewish Institue of Religion, author of several studies on intermarried families, states that those who minimize the impact of symbols like Christmas trees are only deluding themselves.

"In intermarried homes that light Chanukah candles, just 32 percent are raising Jewish children when a tree is present.

But when no tree is present, the Jewish child-rearing shoots up to a very respectable 73 percent," he explains. "The moral is clear: For intermarried Jews to raise Jewish children, they need to celebrate Jewish holidays and avoid such symbols in the home as Christmas trees, even if they are interpreted neutrally."

InterfaithFamily.com does not advocate that intermarried families put up a Christmas tree, but states that it's simply a reality.

As Case concludes: "Twenty years from now, there will be an awful lot of Jews who grew up having a Christmas tree in the home."